RANDOM UPDATE

its been awhile since i last touch my blog...

well moving on with life, found a decent job, nt dat high pay due to my qualification bt overall its ok.

working as admin clerk in an ice cream factory.

moving on without thinking much about the past.

had another attack bt its ok i hope.

had 1 holter test, was confirmed ok but have to do it again.

cant bear it le, why dont i be with you God...

take me with you...

DAY 32

day 32 without you by my side

already 1 month had passed...

rili sorry for what had happened.

for being so foolish...

mayb wut i had done it terrible, doesnt deserve you to forgive me

doesnt worth to be ur fren at all now

guess dats the biggest flaw in me, being too emo and hot tempered.

i sincerely apologise for what happened and i will leave everythg as it is...

i will nt trouble u anymore

i will start my life brand new, and mayb in d future v can b frens again.

rili sorry for what had happened

DAY 10

day 10 without u by my side, sunny day

its indeed a tough decision i made...

withdrawing from UTAR...

taking time off now...

had a wonderful moment seeking advice...

unfortunately, been struck again by that...

its been quite awhile since d last incident happen...

tis time its quite severe...

i duno i can pull through or nt...

i jz hope to meet up with u

my last act was to deliver to u a letter wif my feeling 2 u middle of the nite...

u had read it n i hope u will think bout it...

u had wanted to meet me bt i'm nt fit to meet u...

bt please consider wut i wrote for u n v will meet face to face...

DAY 9

day 9 without u by my side, sunny day...

the most toughest decision was made...

i am no longer studyin in UTAR

been a hell of a ride though...

rili unfortunate bt i hv no regrets...

it was u who encourage me to study bt losin u had made me lost it...

n advice by advisor to ask me try sum other thgs....

u did impart a great change to me during our relationship...

u may not noe bt i did a lot of thgs for u, throughout tis relationship

losing u means losing everythg that's important to me...

nvr in my mind u will want to leave me bt i dun deserve to noe anythg more...

perhaps its true, i am nt good enuf for u in d 1st place...

anyhow, will b spending my last few days in ipoh

if u still hv feelings for me, at least gv me 1 chance to spend it wif u...

DAY 8

day 8 without u by my side, cloudy n raining nw.

its been a long week...

made up my decision n i noe its a tough 1...

i noe there will be disappointment bt i rili cant help it...

i dun rili hv the energy n will to continue on dats y i decided to quit...

start sumthg new n life goes on...

b4 i leave, i rili hope to meet u 1 last time, to c u n talk to u...

n then i wun be bothering u anymore...

i will jz leave everythg to fate...

all i wanted was tis chance to meet u...

if u rili had accepted me s ur fren, its ntg to b afraid of...

unless u still harbour feelings for me n u dun wana c me letting go...

which is it then?

DAY 7

day 7 without u by my side, sunny day

its been 1 week since u left...

n its d 1st time u chat wif me, all cuz ur fb gt prob n i was concerned bout u...

i rili duno whether u read all those words i wrote to u...

there r ppl quite supportive of us workin thgs out

i do hope v can stay together...

been thinkin a lot lately, sum decisions had to be made although its tough...

bt i am standing by my decision... i will not leave u for others.

i will make u accept me once more...

i cherished wut v had shared n i do hope v can continue makin more memories.

jz gv me 1 final probational chance. dats all i ask frm u.

DAY 6

day 6 without u by mide side, cloudy day...

it seems u r indeed very happy leaving me n starting ur life as a singleton.

this oni proves dat b4 this u were nt happy at all when u were attached...

thinkin back, i had shared half of my heart wif u, my life especially...

i still remember clearly dat night, when v 1st started...

our 1st date, 1st kiss, 1st stayover...

u were saying dat hw much u liked to be hug...

and throughout that time, hugs n kisses was all i could give u.

all those memories created...

u said also, hw v had this special scent of each other, unique scent so to speak...

bt then, it also reminds me of sumthg bad... which showed hw much u clearly cared for me.

it was that time where i had involved in an accident.

i was to meet u early before i start work.

however, it was at that moment i was involved in an accident...

lost my specs, had burst my right leg's muscle and suffered a whiplash

at that very moment, i was so fortunate i had lived, for that moment itself showed hw much u rili cared for me... loved me.

for nw, i wish i had left dat moment, so dat i couldnt hurt u so much like nw...

mayb if i had sacrificed dat time, it would be better for u...

from dat i can say, i had shared half of my own life with u.

mayb its true the curse of tgv works... every couple in tgv couldnt last long.

u were the 1 dat said v can make a difference... to prove every1 v can make it.

i remember telling u i had phobia dealing wif twins especially in relationship.

u were the 1 dat proved otherwise, bt nw... it seems to b the fact

as for nw, i appreciate it dat u had keep it wif u n for letting go, u r throwing away our last hope

i shall not disturb u anymore for i have not dat luxury and chance.

i shall leave u nw, for u no longer wants to b regarded as mrs chris wong, oni ms chan.

i have lost hope nw, mayb it is time for me to go, leave this world and be forgotten.

i doubt my existence is significant anymore... i will sacrifice for love.

DAY 5

day 5 without you by my side, cloudy...

it is the 1st day of claz today...

goin to claz reminds me of the time u went to claz with me, the time u spent waiting for me in d library, the study weeks v spent studyin together...

whole night i did not sleep, cuz i was worried about you...

wut u said to me i had them in my heart, mayb i din showed to you...

i still remember u said u are sked to be alone in ur room in kampar.

u cant sleep well, u had to kept the lights on n sleep...

u wanted me to be there to hug u, let u fall asleep in my arms...

u had wished that i was there for u bt v knew, v r separated 3 hours away...

remember those times v travelled back n forth kl n kampar?

u seemed to enjoyed those times spent with me...

u said u wanted me to be with u always...

bt nw, u said to leave n get on with life...

bt do u noe, by doin so, no1 is saved... both will be suffering...

to rili avoid suffering is to work together through thick n thin overcomin all obstacles...

think of those times v had, which i'm sure u cant forget...

stay on, work thgs out together, n mayb u will noticed a better solution this time around...

i mayb stupid bt 1 thg for sure, i do care for u n my love for u will never die...

i no longer can opened up my heart cuz u had already locked it with urself in it...

DAY 4

day 4 without you by my side, cloudy

its a cold, cold day... jz reminds me of sumthg

when u r cold, i would hug u n kiss u n vice versa.

neway, today lunch time saw 1 couple arguing, d gal was saying to the guy he's stupid...

well reminds me of the fights v had, yea i am stupid, foolish s well to hurt u so much.

rili, din notice hw stupid i had been towards u...

i should love and cherish u nt hurt u...

had a dream again n its about u... nt by my side...

in a hospital, wif all the tubes n machines around me, waiting for u to appear n say those words that u had hidden in u, bt i woke up n ur image is still in my heart...

thinkin back, u were d cute and innocent little gal, who cared for me even though v r strangers at first... n proceeding until v r a couple n d 1 i loved.

i hope u still remember the rings i told u about, u are the oni 1 i gv it to.

mayb u din notice bt i do keep in mind wut u had said b4.

u were kinda traumatised by a pursuer bt u said u were happy to hv opened ur heart to me.

bt nw its no longer opened...

u said u were sked b4 bt when u r wif me, u felt safe...

remember the time in our "old place" where the fatty tried to harass u n i stood up for u.

i could c hw grateful n touched u were...

i jz hope to relive those moments with you.

ignore me if u want, bt i do hope u can be happy

n 1 thing for sure, my love for u will never die till d day i finally leave this world.

DAY 3

day 3 without u by my side, sunny day + expected rain

finally can sleep bt its nt as i planned to.

slept around 2 plus, then woke up at 8 sumthg in d morning.

reason i woke up was cuz of a dream.

it was a touchin dream,which was so real...

u had forgiven me, v were sharin songs...

i remember v did dat b4...

mayb u r indeed happy separating from me.

bt deep down, i had a hunch u r nt...

i still remember, u always will put up a brave look in front of others, includin me...

only to break down when u were alone...

knowin u to cry by urself rili make me feel useless.

hw could i let my precious cry when i am supposed to make her smile.

this teddy bear v saw in pavillion's SnJ.

i remember u said u like teddy bears.

at that time u said u were lucky cuz u already own such a big teddy bear.

u can bring him out, hug him n love him. to u, i'm ur teddy bear, ur da chu...

i've always reminiscence the 1st day v r together,

especially after i nearly lost my life in an accident...

from then on, every study break, n every once a while u will come to kl to find me...

v would spend time 2gether studyin, watchin drama, shopping n eat a lot of diff food.

steamboat was ur vv 1st choice, s v went to lot10's shop...

bii, i rili love u with all my heart, my soul n my life.

u are my everythg n i am rili sorry to disappoint u so much.

u were the who said v had to work for our future, n u r d 1 dat wanted to b wif me forever.

no matter what, u r d oni person i love more than myself.

mayb u din notice my actions for it...

bt v do nd time to really und each other...

2 years is jz d beginning of everythg...

every1 hv their probs n u r d 1 that taught me hw to deal with it by sharing it wif u...

i do hope u to share wif me so dat v can work it out.

DAY 2

Day 2 without u by my side, unpredictable weather

rili sorry for wut happen previously.

its my bad for conveying other ppl's msg.

cant rili blame u for getting angry at me.

situation getting rili bad it seems.

in a way, d feeling u once said u still had will be put off by this.

i dun rili wana c it b this way.

i hope to ignite back the passion v had in this relationship.

it seems my effort to create posibillities b futile.

went back kl to resume my life, bt truth is i had lost my hope to continue.

u were the pillar of my strength, d source of my energy.

now i und y ppl say, u nvr treasure until u noe its gone.

walkin around in jusco wangsa maju brings back memories dat v created there.

the days v went grocery shopping where i cook for u when u r here.

the meals v had whenever u came to find me.

n even the time v spent choosing garments for u.

n oso d 1 time v were so enthusiastic to study that v stayed in starbucks 1 whole day.

i rili miss those moments that u will come over to setapak to spend ur study week wif me.

there was once afta ur exam, u straight came over here jz to encourage me to study.

i jz wish dat days nvr end n jz continue.

mayb its better for the time being v stay s frens bt 1 thg for sure, my love for u will nvr die.

i will still care for u like hw it was.

cuz i had made a vow, u r my everythg and i would gv u my life.

for u to gv up on me means to gv up my life s well.

hope u r happy like yesterday wif ur besties goin out, hangin out.

hope u wun thk so much like b4...

hope that our memories will nt fade and gv time for us to work thgs out.

DAY 1

day 1 without u by my side, sunny day

just so u noe, she insisted to let me go 12th january 2011.

sleepless night starts to haunt me again.

been thinkin a lot bout my mistakes.

indeed i had done wrong, hurt u so much dat u can forgive me.

i admit i am immature at times.

however, nobody's perfect n like wut u expect.

there are flaws in us and being in a relationship had thought me dat.

v need to accept who we are and build up wut we cherish.

2 years past n i can say, it was the happiest of my life.

i've change jz u din noticed. i've change cuz of u.

mayb u din notice wut i had done for u, bt i assure u it's all for u.

i dun wana make u hate me or wut cuz i noe deep down in ur heart, there is still love for us.

i noe i've made u annoyed b4 bt i jz hope u think about it properly, gv us time for this 2 years v build together, will b put to waste if u jz gv up lidat.

i hope v can start it off as frens like u wanted and slowly build back wut v had lost.

if u dun wana c me, i'm fine with it. i'll jz wait until u r ready.

i noe i am being stupid for holding on bt i jz hope u can work it out with me.

6 months, dats all i ask. bt if within this 6 months u encounter sum1 better or u no longer love me. i will not bother u anymore.

dats all i ever wanted, to be with u creating more memories better than b4.

gv me time as i will prove to u i'm worth ur effort n time.

DAY 4: VIEWS ON RELIGION

religion doesnt affect my life much.

but then, i am quite fortunate to have known friends of different religions.

being frens with them make me understand their culture and learn to accept their uniqueness.

but then, i do hope god will help me through what i'm going through.

bii, i noe i was wrong, i dun noe wut can i do to regain ur trust.

i jz hope to hv 1 more chance.

DAY 3: YOUR VIEWS ON DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

many people do booze be it for enjoyment or just to get drunk.

for me, drinking wine with family members is the greatest fulfillment.

another moment was spending time drinking wine with someone i truly love.

but all is now considered past.

i dont wish to be a drunkard but times like this i really felt like drinking as much as i can handle.

drugs... i am not interested at all.

seeing all the bad effects to a person's health.

so is smoking.

how can grown ups, considered matured enough can smoke right next to their children knowing the consequences very well. do they wanna be labelled as murderers and be punished like 1?

DAY2: WHERE YOU'D LIKE TO BE IN 10 YEARS

whoa, 10 years later...

i will be already 33, cousins all grown up maybe getting married as well.

most anticipated moment is, baby shane turning 10 years old.

this is baby shane, 3 months old.

cute right?

this is his latest pic, quite a cute poser.

now already so cute, 10 years later he will be 1 handsome kid.

cant wait for that.

apart from that, 10 years later, i should be working my ass off to pay back the study loan.

saving for future as well. and also, be with my love. hopefully will encounter my love in the near future as i am currently unattached. i'm waiting for miracles to happen.

in life, there are how many 10 years?

enjoy while you can. *cheers*

DAY 1: CURRENT RELATIONSHIP

well, kinda interesting topic.

been attached for the past 2 years plus.

beginning of 2011 marks the end of my relationship so to speak.

inclusive of 6 months cooling period starting now...

am i to carry on like an attached person or join the singles club?

been through a lot, sacrificed a lot but the effort in it just gone to waste...

2 years we had been putting in effort in this relationship.

i know i am at fault most of the times, and i readily admit but how bout you?

you said i lie to you but have you ever see what you did to me?

2 bloody years...

its not a short time spent. if u so hate me why din you just accept it when i suggest breaking up way earlier? you were the 1 asking us to have another chance to work things out.

just when i am starting to change my bad parts and save this relationship, you just give up.

if you really think i am not good for you then why you wanna delay it?

i dont really know wut are you thinkin but please, think properly.

if you have lost the feeling towards me, just say it straight to my face.

this coming 6 months what you expect me to do then?

proceed like i am still attached or enjoy the new found freedom of singlehood?

i've been through this before, but i rather we work things out.

i dare not seek for forgiveness.

bt if you are confident of breaking up, i am sure you already lost the feeling of being loved.

i will respect your decision and if you happen to encounter someone better than me, go ahead.

lastly, to all of you out there, long distance relationship is hard to sustain.

if you can manage, congratz to you.

if you cant, dont even think about it.

happy new year to all and thanks for you big new year present.

UPDATES

ITS BEEN A LONG TIME...

indeed long time abandon my blog but sumthg lately caught my attention.

this little post was shared by stella. well there 30 topics for me to blog about...

will do it later. bear with me as i sort sum thg out ok.